Diary of a self-confessed fangirl
September 24, 2007I was never a rabid fan of anyone. I never understood why there are people who would go to such great lengths just to see their "idol". For me, these people (the stars) are simply like you and me, albeit given the chance to showcase their talent (and for some, the lack of it) for the world to see. I have had the opportunity to see a couple of these "stars" but I have never been starstrucked.
American Idol Season 5 was the only season of the show that I have ever watched. And, though he had little exposure prior to the top 24, I have loved him since "Moody’s Mood for Love". I found him to be this down-to-earth guy who’s just doing what he loves best: singing. And it showed in each and every one of his performances, which made me like him more. I was one of those who was crushed when he was booted out during the Top 3 eliminations. But, knowing that such talent will not go unnoticed, I vowed to support him the moment he launch his album.
And I was not mistaken. On March 20, 2007, a friend from the US told me that his self-titled album is already out in the market. I couldn’t wait for it to reach the shores of the Philippines! I had to wait six months before I could call one my own. But it was all worth it.
The day I turned 26, Elliott had a show at the Trinoma Mall in Quezon City. Though it was a working day, I filed my birthday leave in order to line up at Trinoma the earliest time possible to secure my ticket. And all my efforts paid off. I was one of the first fifty people to buy his CD and in the process, procuring a pass for a chance to meet the man and securing his autograph! Man oh man! So this is how a fangirl feels like.
I wouldn’t bore you with the details of the show (and it was everything but!), suffice it is to say that for three blissful minutes, I thought I died and gone to heaven. When he greeted me and when he obliged for a picture, I felt sheer pleasure. When he handed me the autographed CD with a "happy birthday" on it, I felt like crying. I was too tongue-tied to talk to him. All I managed, I think, were a lousy "hi", "it’s my birthday today", and "thank you". But I did get to squeeze his muscles, hahahahaha.
I’m a fangirl now. So sue me.
Just to give YOU a piece of my mind
September 5, 2007It has almost been two weeks since I found out something that I’ve always dreaded. It was something I never thought would happen to me, one that is straight out of a badly written telenovela. But, horror of horrors, it did happen to me and it was no telenovela to boot.
The old me would have cried, cursed, succumbed to anger and, of course, I would have retaliated. The people involved would have been wise to avoid crossing my path ever. I would have given them hell.
It is by God’s grace indeed that I have left the old me behind. Gone is the person who would mourn for the things she could not change. I have accepted that, in this life, people would disappoint you. It is how you take those disappointments that will matter.
I tried to ignore you. You who are the cause of all of my anger and resentment. I tried to pretend that you don’t exist. But you never stop, do you? You have to go out of your way to irritate me, to irritate the people that matters to me. Like a parasite that sticks to its host for existence, you attach yourself to those whom you think will help you in your cause, no matter how worthless it is. So once and for all, I’ll give you a piece of my mind.
Stop with the theatrics. Stop with the drama. Stop the endless parinigs and the changes in your marquees. Stop involving other people in this problem you have created. Stop with the talk because your dirt is oozing out of your mouth everytime you open it. You are reeking of insecurity and bitterness. Moreso, stop acting as if you were the one betrayed. You have no idea what betrayal means. You won’t know betrayal even if it stares at you right in the eye.
Among the three of us, I was the one who had no idea about this whole hullabaloo, and yet, you have the guts to say that you were the one betrayed? You involved me the minute you decided to do what you did. I still remember, a lot of people were telling me how much you wanted to be my friend. I gave you a chance, didn’t I? Even if I never did liked you in the first place. And the ironic thing is, my dislike is not misplaced. You only proved one thing I’ve always known all along: that you cannot be trusted. Tell me, did you honestly think I will be your friend while you were doing those things behind my back? Doesn’t it sound so… AHAS… to you?
I was the one at the losing end but you never saw me act like a damsel in distress like you are now.
Don’t be bitter because I have his heart. The "love" you’ve given him was never reciprocated. He never loved you. Never did and never will. Don’t be bitter if we have forgiven him and not you. At least he was humble enough to admit his mistakes, to show remorse for what he did. But you? Ikaw pa ang malakas ang loob na magmayabang na malinis ka at walang kasalanan. Everybody has skeletons in their closet but at least, I am not self-righteous. And neither are my friends. My true friends who have always been with me through thick and thin. The people whose trust and respect I’ve gained through the years. Those are the kind of friends you will never have.
The whole world doesn’t revolve around you. For once, stop and try to think of the welfare of those around you. Think about how your actions will hurt other people. Your so-called partner, perhaps?
You made a mistake in thinking you could break us apart. And don’t try to deny that. Your cause in wanting to tell me was self-serving because you thought it would spell the demise of our relationship. But you thought wrong. You understimated my capacity to forgive the people that I love.
And for the record, no siraan has ever happened. He never made excuses for himself for what happened. Don’t insult our intelligence by putting it to your level. It was our decision to give him a second chance. You, by the way, you who tries so hard to feign ignorance for this mess but fails to do so otherwise, does not deserve that from us. Not until you admit that you had a hand in whatever happened.
A word of advice: live up to your belief of saying the truth. It will indeed set you free. Show the people around who and what you really are. After all, no matter how much you try to cover it up with lies, the real YOU will still come out.
And one final note: Separated doesn’t suit you. Parokya ni Edgar’s song is a much, much better choice.
