Thoughts on cheating

• Cheating is any form of action that makes one feel violated if done by one’s partner 
• There is no grey area in cheating.  It’s just black or white.  Either you are cheating or not.  There is no halfway.
• Cheaters rationalise their behaviours.  They point the blame at their legitimate partners even if they know there is no one else to blame but themselves.  They see fault in everything their partner does and sees it as a reason to fool around more.  I forgot what it’s called in Psychology but it’s actually transferring the guilt to their partner.
• Cheating starts will small, harmless things.  Things that are easy to overlook until one realises, albeit too late, that it’s harmless no more.  And by little things I mean exchanging mushy SMSs, e-mails, YM messages, going out for a bite.  The list goes on.  “Harmless” things that are intentionally kept from the legitimate partner.  I’ve read somewhere that  it’s guilt that makes one want to label these encounters as ‘little’ when one knows where they inevitably go.

I might never understand why cheaters do what they do.  Or why there are people who would actually consider being with a person who is already married or is committed.  Aren’t there enough men/women in this planet that they would want to share with another one?

At St. Nicks

Two days.  That’s how long (or short) a time I have left to spend here in Australia.  How time flies so fast.  It seems as if it was only yesterday when I first set foot in this foreign land to do my post-graduate studies.  Now, I am about to go back home.

They say everything happens for a purpose.  My purpose in coming here was to learn new things which I could apply to my agency.  However, I got more than what I bargained for.  A friendship borne out of necessity since we were stuck with one another.  A friendship that developed because of similarities and in spite of differences.  A friendship that will (hopefully) remain regardless of the distance.

There’s Kuya Ricky, the de facto coordinator of the group.  He is the resident joker, Mr. Extension, Johanna’s favourite student.  Of all my fellow scholars, I could say he is the one I am closest to and the one who knows me the most.  Unbeknownst to many, Kuya Ricky became my protector and comforter during those times when I needed it most.  He had faith in my abilities and he has never failed to tell me the things I needed to hear.  In spite of his image of being a naughty person, Kuya Ricky has got so much depth and wisdom that guided me throughout my stay in Australia.  He was my voice when I no longer wanted to fight and has always defended me from people who thought so lowly of me.  And I will forever be grateful to him for that.

From the onset, Lhaie and I clicked it off rather instantly.  Being the youngest of the lot, I was hesitant at first to befriend the rest of the group since I was afraid to come off as childish.  It was Lhaie whom I found an affinity with.  She and I did things together: went to the uni, had our meals, went out.  When she started going out with our landlord, I started to distance myself especially during our last few weeks in Australia.  Still, the friendship remained.

Then there’s Ate Shena.  She and I became close when we started to work.  We became… ahem… “officemates” at Reece.  We would wake up at the wee hours of the morning to catch the 6.27 bus to town.  But more than an “officemate”, she became my “lawyer” and my voice when I lost my own.  Much like Kuya Ricky, Ate She stood up for me when the situation called for it.  She guarded me like her own child.  With her, I felt safe.

Despite working in the same agency, I only met Lotus during our IELTS review days.  Upon knowing each other, we ended up processing our requirements together.  From the passport application to our harrowing experience during the medical exams, Lot and I did it together.  However, I would be the first to acknowledge that even then, we didn’t become close.  I guess it was my fault.  Since we work in the same office, the possibility of being compared, or worst, pitted, against each other was very high.  Even prior to our departure for Australia, I was already hearing things from the office about who is better in what.  I thought it best to just detach myself to avoid the stress.  For me, it is not worth losing a friendship over.  More so, I have already promised myself that I would not kill myself from too much studying.  Still, Lot has my respect.  She is one of the most disciplined persons I have ever met.  She is unfazed by all the negative things thrown at her.  She is as cool as a cucumber even at the most trying times.  Even during the “Ortigas group” drama that happened (no thanks to she-who-must-not-be-named), Lot kept her cool.  In her book, everybody deserves to be understood, to be given a second (or even a third and a fourth) chance.  Towards the end of our studies, we got the chance to know each other better which I hope will continue even upon going back to work.

If there’s a contest for the best in public relations, Ate Alice would win, hands down.  I have never met anyone who has got her talent of striking up a conversation with a complete stranger and ending up knowing a whole lot more about that person in a short span of time.  She has this (bad!) habit of disappearing without telling anyone her whereabouts.  Watching her banter with Kuya Ricky is like watching a stand up comedy show, only better.

Ate Badi hates being called by her proper name, Judith.  She said she doesn’t look like a “Judith”, however that looks like.  I remember, I was hesitant to call her Ate at first because some people just wanted to be called by their names.  She told me, “Ayos lang yun.  Mas gusto ko ngang me tumatawag sa akin ng ate.  Mas sweet pakinggan.”

Finally, there’s Richard.  From among the group, I could say I know Richard the least given that he is taking a different course from the rest of us.  I never had the chance to spend time with him.  Still, he exerted effort to be with the group every now and then.

They say that the best type of friends is found during high school and college.  Anybody whom one meets after that can never compare.  I guess I’m just lucky then.  For I have found not one, not two, but seven friends that I will treasure for a lifetime.

Unpretty

“You will have beautiful kids for you are so beautiful”. 

Someone with a failing eyesight just told me that a few hours ago.  I say he has got a failing eyesight since I am anything but beautiful.  And no, I am not saying that to appear humble.

I have never had any illusions as to how I look.  I have accepted that, with my petite frame, unkempt ‘do, unmade up face, morena complexion, and a barely there chest, I will never be considered as beautiful by a lot of people.  So it’s always new to me when people, strangers even, would tell me that I am.

Some people uses the word “charming” to describe me.  But I have never seen myself as charismatic.  All my life, I have been one of the boys, the joker, the ice-breaker.  I have neither been graceful nor alluring.  It’s so not… me.  So when someone says I’m charming, I always retort that they must have a different definition of the term.

Then again, it’s so nice to be praised once in a while.  Maybe I should just learn to accept how other people see me.  The ugly duckling must have turned into a beautiful swan without me knowing

Happy na Birthday pa… or is it, really?

I have never celebrated my birthday without at least someone who matters to me.  Until I got here, that is.

Today, I turn 27.  Nothing special.  I attended Mass and thanked the Lord for granting me one more year on Earth.  Then I talked to my family over skype, chatted with my bf, answered some birthday greetings from graduate school mates and… that’s all.  No party, no going out, no nothing.  I had some sort of a party last Friday, though.  It was a belated celebration for a friend whose birthday was on the 17th and an advance party for me.  It was… ok.  Just ok.

Don’t get me wrong.  The mere remembrance of my birthday is good enough for me.  I guess I’m just not used to not having the people dear to me celebrate it with me.  The tulips, chocolate and card my bf sent definitely put a smile on my face.  But I would give it all up just to have him here.

My college mates?  Nahhh, I know that most of them, save for a handful, won’t remember.  It’s the same thing year in and year out that it no longer matters.

It’s true what they say.  Depression really hits you during birthdays and the holiday season.  Good thing I’ll be home by Christmas.  I might just lose it if I have to spend the holidays here.

Why I Hate My Mom (A Mother’s Day Special)

I hate my mom.

Maybe some of you hate yours, too, while others don’t.  Some of you may hate your dad, or your brother, or your sister.  Maybe you hate your pakialamera tita or your braggart of a tito.  But not me.  Because for me, the object of my wrath is my mom.  Yep, you heard that right: my mom.  Wanna know why?  I’ll come to that in a few minutes but first, let me tell you something about her.

My mom is a working mother.  I never got to see her that much when I was younger.  She helped (and is still helping) my father put food on our table.  Being both public servants, she would work long hours to augment the income of my father.  The money they earned was used to send me and my siblings into good schools because they believed that what we lack in material things, they could make up in giving us quality educations.  She taught me how to fend for myself.  She taught me how to study and to rely on my own.  She has always been around to support my every decision and to gently correct me in my mistakes.  She watched me grow from afar but was always around when I needed someone to comfort me.  Words need not be said when I am with my mom.  She smiles in my joy, cries in my pain and soothes my fear.  Most of all, my mom is one of my four pillars of strength.

"But why do you hate her?", you might ask.  I hate her because of all the things I learned from her, there was one thing she forgot to teach me: she never taught me how NOT to miss her while I am here.

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This was my impromptu speech when we were asked to deliver one during our IAP class.  I was crying halfway through it and almost didn’t get to finish it.  Our lecturer honestly thought I hate my mom.  I don’t.  I actually love her so much.  I got quite a good review for this piece.

This one’s for you Nanay.  I love you.  Happy Mother’s Day.

untitled

Somewhere along the way, I lost myself.  Somehow, I forgot who I was.  I forgot the reason why I am here.

I gave in to temptation and has regretted it eversince.

Do you believe in karma?

karma - it is usually understood as a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. It is not about retribution, vengeance, punishment or reward; karma simply deals with what is. The effects of all deeds actively create past, present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one’s own life, and the pain and joy it brings to them and others. (wikipedia.org, viewed 27 february 2008 at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma)

do i believe in karma?  yes i do.  my boyfriend does, too.  that’s why we know that we are getting what we deserve: good friends, loving family, healthy relationships, blooming careers.  and you?  you are finally getting the fruits of your, should i say, lechery:  no real friends, pseudo-relationships, career going nowhere.  ahhh… the taste of sweet revenge.  and i haven’t even lifted a finger to make your life miserable.

does it get to you, seeing that we are happy despite everything?  is it too much for your over-inflated ego that nobody important misses you?  ohhh, your eyes are so green with envy seeing what i have achieved.  tsk, tsk, tsk.  pity, pity.  no matter what you do, no matter how much your nosetrils flare up, you can’t do anything to ruin us.

you lose.

*Sigh*

It’s been 19 days since I set foot here in Australia.  Nineteen days of missing the people that I love.  Despite of the places to see and things to do, I can’t seem to enjoy my stay to the fullest, at least not yet.  I am not used to experiencing new things without someone I love beside me.

Take last frinday for instance.  The AusAID liaison officer organized an excursion for all the awardees.  We went dolphin watching at Port Stephens.  And boy!  Did we see a lot of dolphins!  It was a dream come true for me as I’ve always wanted to see them upclose.  And last friday, I finally fulfilled that dream.

Was I happy?  Surely I was.  Was I contended?  No I wasn’t.  It is one thing to see the realization of  one of my life long dreams but it is another to be able to share it with someone you truly care about.  And, sad to say, I had no one beside me to share my happiness with.  Someone who knows what that excursion meant to me.  Someone who could have understood my joy and excitement.

happiness =)

I heard a great news just this morning.  I found out that, at last, after almost three years of bearing with the stinking smell in the office caused by the office termite, it would be eradicated at last.  So it's just temporary, but better temporary than not at all, 'aite?

Then again, I pity the office that accepted the termite.  They didn't realize that once a termite will ALWAYS be a termite.  Hay… I hope they find out soon enough.  But for now, I am happy, tehehehehehe

something from my past

While checking my mails, I found out that I used to keep a blog.  When I read through it, I found this piece I wrote about three years ago.  Wala lang.  It was so fun to reminisce.

Musings 

Sandman

He has been a constant visitor of my dreams lately. Before I close my eyes at night, I'd utter a prayer to God to give me a peaceful slumber. By peaceful I mean a deep sleep with no memories to haunt my dreams. I'd will myself to think of something or someone else besides him.Every effort proves to be an exercise in futility. I'd always end up dreaming of him and his memories. Is it true that the deepest desires of one's heart always finds itself in dreams? Does it mean I still desire his comeback in my life?I hope not.

~~~~~~~~~

Nightmares

After countless toss and turns in my bed at night, I'll finally grow weary. My eyes would finally give in to Sandman. And I will fall asleep. But then, the nightmares will begin.Nightmares. Yeah I call them that. Every dream with him in it, I call a nightmare. Because I am tired of having to wake up in the middle of the night crying, trying to stifle the screams caused by the unbearable ache in my chest. I am tired of looking back at the happy moments of our past together. I am tired of playing over and over again in my mind the promises he made. Promises of forever. Promises of a love without end.

~~~~~~~~~~

Regrets

Seven years. Seven long years of a relationship brought about by a wonderful friendship. When it went to waste, the friendship went with it. How could someone throw away something so precious? How could it end?  How could you go without saying goodbye?

~~~~~~~~~~

Conclusion

Should I finally shut the door? Am I supposed to put a period to the story we made? Is there nothing more left to add but "The End"?Part of me wants to close the curtain to this script that we played. We played parts that were coveted by a lot of people. And we played it beautifully. Alas! It ended abruptly.

~~~~~~~~~~

Silverlining

A new love… new life… new me…I hope…

~~~~~~~~~~

Postcript

Letting go… but holding on…Moving on… but looking back…Loving one person but in-love with another…Only one person holds my heart…But it doesn't mean no one can touch my soul…

Diary of a self-confessed fangirl

I was never a rabid fan of anyone.  I never understood why there are people who would go to such great lengths just to see their "idol".  For me, these people (the stars) are simply like you and me, albeit given the chance to showcase their talent (and for some, the lack of it) for the world to see.  I have had the opportunity to see a couple of these "stars" but I have never been starstrucked.

Until Elliott Yamin, that is.

American Idol Season 5 was the only season of the show that I have ever watched.  And, though he had little exposure prior to the top 24, I have loved him since "Moody’s Mood for Love".  I found him to be this down-to-earth guy who’s just doing what he loves best: singing.  And it showed in each and every one of his performances, which made me like him more.  I was one of those who was crushed when he was booted out during the Top 3 eliminations.  But, knowing that such talent will not go unnoticed, I vowed to support him the moment he launch his album.

And I was not mistaken.  On March 20, 2007, a friend from the US told me that his self-titled album is already out in the market.  I couldn’t wait for it to reach the shores of the Philippines!  I had to wait six months before I could call one my own.  But it was all worth it.

The day I turned 26, Elliott had a show at the Trinoma Mall in Quezon City.  Though it was a working day, I filed my birthday leave in order to line up at Trinoma the earliest time possible to secure my ticket.  And all my efforts paid off.  I was one of the first fifty people to buy his CD and in the process, procuring a pass for a chance to meet the man and securing his autograph!  Man oh man!  So this is how a fangirl feels like.

I wouldn’t bore you with the details of the show (and it was everything but!), suffice it is to say that for three blissful minutes, I thought I died and gone to heaven.  When he greeted me and when he obliged for a picture, I felt sheer pleasure.  When he handed me the autographed CD with a "happy birthday" on it, I felt like crying.  I was too tongue-tied to talk to him.  All I managed, I think, were a lousy "hi", "it’s my birthday today", and "thank you".  But I did get to squeeze his muscles, hahahahaha.

I’m a fangirl now.  So sue me. 

Just to give YOU a piece of my mind

It has almost been two weeks since I found out something that I’ve always dreaded.  It was something I never thought would happen to me, one that is straight out of a badly written telenovela.  But, horror of horrors, it did happen to me and it was no telenovela to boot.

The old me would have cried, cursed, succumbed to anger and, of course, I would have retaliated.  The people involved would have been wise to avoid crossing my path ever.  I would have given them hell.

It is by God’s grace indeed that I have left the old me behind.  Gone is the person who would mourn for the things she could not change.  I have accepted that, in this life, people would disappoint you.  It is how you take those disappointments that will matter.

I tried to ignore you.  You who are the cause of all of my anger and resentment.  I tried to pretend that you don’t exist.  But you never stop, do you?  You have to go out of your way to irritate me, to irritate the people that matters to me.  Like a parasite that sticks to its host for existence, you attach yourself to those whom you think will help you in your cause, no matter how worthless it is.  So once and for all, I’ll give you a piece of my mind.

Stop with the theatrics.  Stop with the drama.  Stop the endless parinigs and the changes in your marquees.  Stop involving other people in this problem you have created.  Stop with the talk because your dirt is oozing out of your mouth everytime you open it.  You are reeking of insecurity and bitterness.  Moreso, stop acting as if you were the one betrayed.  You have no idea what betrayal means.  You won’t know betrayal even if it stares at you right in the eye.

Among the three of us, I was the one who had no idea about this whole hullabaloo, and yet, you have the guts to say that you were the one betrayed?  You involved me the minute you decided to do what you did.  I still remember, a lot of people were telling me how much you wanted to be my friend.  I gave you a chance, didn’t I?  Even if I never did liked you in the first place.  And the ironic thing is, my dislike is not misplaced.  You only proved one thing I’ve always known all along:  that you cannot be trusted.  Tell me, did you honestly think I will be your friend while you were doing those things behind my back?  Doesn’t it sound so… AHAS… to you?

I was the one at the losing end but you never saw me act like a damsel in distress like you are now. 

Don’t be bitter because I have his heart.  The "love" you’ve given him was never reciprocated.  He never loved you.  Never did and never will.  Don’t be bitter if we have forgiven him and not you.  At least he was humble enough to admit his mistakes, to show remorse for what he did.  But you?  Ikaw pa ang malakas ang loob na magmayabang na malinis ka at walang kasalanan.  Everybody has skeletons in their closet but at least, I am not self-righteous.  And neither are my friends.  My true friends who have always been with me through thick and thin.  The people whose trust and respect I’ve gained through the years.  Those are the kind of friends you will never have.

The whole world doesn’t revolve around you.  For once, stop and try to think of the welfare of those around you.  Think about how your actions will hurt other people.  Your so-called partner, perhaps?

You made a mistake in thinking you could break us apart.  And don’t try to deny that.  Your cause in wanting to tell me was self-serving because you thought it would spell the demise of our relationship.  But you thought wrong.  You understimated my capacity to forgive the people that I love.

And for the record, no siraan has ever happened.  He never made excuses for himself for what happened.  Don’t insult our intelligence by putting it to your level.  It was our decision to give him a second chance.  You, by the way, you who tries so hard to feign ignorance for this mess but fails to do so otherwise, does not deserve that from us.  Not until you admit that you had a hand in whatever happened.

A word of advice: live up to your belief of saying the truth.  It will indeed set you free.  Show the people around who and what you really are.  After all, no matter how much you try to cover it up with lies, the real YOU will still come out.

And one final note: Separated doesn’t suit you.  Parokya ni Edgar’s song is a much, much better choice.

*Sigh*

I knew that this day would happen.  I feel so left out.

And the feeling that I am dispensable starts anew… =(

A Decade of Memories

It was ten years ago today when we became a couple.  Year after year after that, exactly a day after Valentine's Day, we'd celebrate the day when God gave us each other.  Valentine's Day be damned, we never cared whether we celebrate a day after most couples do.  And year after year, we'd talk about our plan of getting married ten years after that fateful day.

That would have been today, had certain things not happened.  I used to picture getting married at a quaint little church with the rays of the sun at sunset illuminating the altar and the aisle, which in turn, is decorated with orange and white roses and carnations.  Attended by only a select few, the motiff would have been colors of fall as I love the colors associated with autumn.  I pictured myself wearing a long, off-shoulder off-white wedding gown, my hair raised in a bun, feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world while in the arms of my parents and you waiting at the end of the aisle.

*Sigh*  It would have been a perfect ending to a perfect love story that we shared.  Alas, like all relationship, it was anything but.  We strived to make things work but it just wasn't good enough.  All I have now are memories of what we once had, what we once shared.  Despite what others say about letting go of them, I can't.  Because those memories are the only things that will never change.

You are my "the one who got away".  The one person whom I know deep in my heart would have made me happy for the rest of my life, the one perfect person for me.  But I will never regret what happened to us.  I no longer think of a reconciliation because I know that I can never love the person you are right now as much as I love the person I knew before.  I will never blame God for not letting us end up together.  All things happen for a reason.  And I know His reasons will be unraveled in time.

Alaala sa mga Talulot

(This article was published at peyups.com on January 16, 2007, Tuesday @ 04:22:32 AM.  Ako nga po pala si jhome)

Pebrero na namang muli. Malapit na naman ang Araw ng mga Puso. Naaalala na naman kita. Muli na namang mabubuhay ang mga alaalang pilit kong ibinabaon sa limot. Ahh… bakit ba kailangang magmulto ka pa?

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3rd year high school, best friends tayo. Pero tinalo mo ako. Ako namang si corny, sinagot kita. Sa dinami-dami ng araw, Valentine pa. Kaso mo tanga ka, kaya kinabukasan mo na narealize na tayo na pala. So una pa lang me problema na tayo: Ano ba ang anniversary date natin, February 14 o February 15? Sabi mo, 15 na lang. Pumayag naman ako kasi kako, ayoko ng me mga kapareho akong me bulaklak kung reregaluhan mo ako pag anniversary natin. Gusto ko ako lang ang meron. Gusto ko ako lang ang me mahabang buhok sa espesyal na araw na iyon.

Kaya naman mula nung maging tayo, taon-taon tayong nagdiriwang ng Araw ng mga Puso na isang araw na mas huli kaysa sa iba. Pero masaya ako nun. Masaya naman ako basta kasama kita, Araw man ng mga Puso o hindi, anniversary man natin o ordinaryong araw lang.

Sa loob ng anim na taon, lagi kong minamadali ang pagdating ng Pebrero. Ibig kasing sabihin nun, darating na ang Araw ng mga Puso. Makakakita na naman ako ng mga babaeng me dalang mga bulaklak. Tatawanan ko sila at sasabihin ko sa isip kong, “E ano ngayon kung me bulaklak kayo? Marami namang meron din. Bukas, ako lang ang meron! Ako lang ang maganda! Hah!”. At taun-taon, isang araw matapos ang pagdiriwang sa Araw ni Kupido, aabutan mo nga ako ng bulaklak. Tuwang-tuwa ako kapag ganun. Paano ba naman, yun lang ang panahong binibigyan mo ako ng bulaklak. Nagsimula sa isang pirasong pulang rosas na hanggang ngayon ay itinatago ko pa rin ang talulot. Naging isang dosena. Nang lumaon, ginawa mo ng carnations dahil alam mong iyun ang gusto ko. At taun-taon, kapag natutuyo na ang mga bulaklak na bigay mo, itinatago ko ang mga talulot nito na siya kong tinitingnan kung nais kong maalala kung gaano ako kasaya ng araw na matanggap ko ang mga iyon.

Ika-anim na taon natin. Tamang-tama sabado. Nagkasundo tayong magkikita na lamang sa isang mall para doon manood ng sine at kumain. At sabi mo, ibibili mo rin ako ng discman na matagal ko ng pinaparinig sa iyo. Hindi ako mapakali nun. Iniisip ko na kung anong klaseng bulaklak ang matatanggap ko sa iyo. At hindi mo ako binigo. Pagkakita ko pa lang sa iyo, alam ko ng me isang bungkos na naman ako ng bulaklak. At iyong iniabot ang dalawang dosenang puting rosas na napakaganda ng pagkakaayos. Sabi nga ng nanay ko na kasama ko noon, “Aba para kang Miss Universe!”. Totoo, yun nga ang pakiramdam ko noon. At bumili tayo ng discman na regalo mo sa akin. Pero alam mo, hindi ko nasabi sa iyo ito, ayos na sa akin yung bulaklak. Doon lang masaya na ako.

Kinabukasan, para pa rin akong lumulutang sa hangin. Nagkita tayo ulit. This time, para naman magsimba. Tapos nag-mall tayo ulit. Doon sinabi mo sa aking, “I will never leave you.” Halos maiyak ako sa sobrang kaligayahan. Nung hapon na, nagpunta tayo ng Lagoon para magpalipas oras. At bigla-bigla, sinabi mong, “Mas maganda sigurong maghiwalay muna tayo.”

Sa sobrang kabiglaan, akala ko nagbibiro ka. Hindi ba’t kahapon lang tayo nagdiwang ng ating ika-anim na taon? Hindi ba’t kanina lang sinabi mong hindi mo ako iiwan? Dalawang linggo pa lang ang nakararaan mula ng yayain mo akong pakasal di ba? Ano ito lokohan? Subalit mali ako. Seryoso ka. Iniwan mo akong luhaan at nag-iisa. Si Oble ang kaisa-isang piping saksi sa mapait na panaghoy na aking ginawa. Siya ang nakakita kung paano kita hinabol, kung paano ako nagmakaawang huwag mong iwan. Pero hindi ka nakinig. Umalis ka pa ring hindi man lang sinasabi sa akin ang dahilan kung bakit.

Pagdating ko ng bahay, nasa lamesa ko ang mga bulaklak na bigay mo, nanunuya. Gusto ko silang itapon, gusto kong isampal sa mukha mo maibsan lamang ang sakit na idinulot mo. Kung alam ko lang na masasaktan ako ng ganito, sana’y inihambalos ko na lang sila sa iyo nung ibinigay mo sila. Akala ko yun na ang pinakamasakit, hindi pala.

Isang linggo matapos yun, nakipagbalikan ka. Ako naming si tanga, pumayag. Isang linggong muli matapos yun, nakipaghiwalay ka na naman. Akala ko tapos na. Pero hindi! Isang linggo ulit ang pinalipas mo bago kang muling makipagbalikan. Sabi mo, kailangan mo ako kasi mahal mo ako. Hindi na ako nagtanong, tinanggap kitang muli. Hindi na ako natuto. Dahil apat na buwan matapos kitang bigyan uli ng pagkakataon, kumalas ka na naman. Wala na akong lakas nun para ipaglaban ka pa. Kaya’t pumayag na lang ako.

Sa loob ng dalawang buwan, unti-unti kong hinanap ang sarili ko. Pero kung kailan naman handang-handa na akong palayain ka ng tuluyan, saka ka muling bumalik. Sabi mo, “Let’s give this another chance.” At naniwala akong muli na hindi maaayos pa natin. Hindi ko na tinanong kung ano ang naging problema. Sapat na sa akin nun na bumalik ka.

Kaya’t nagdiwang tayo ng ating ika-pitong taon. Tatlong dosenang puting carnations ang iyong ibinigay sa akin. Masaya ako noon dahil ang akala ko, nalampasan na natin ang seven-year itch na tinatawag nila. Muli akong nagtiwala sa iyo. Muli akong naniwala sa sinabi mong “Love is enough.” Muli kong nakita ang kagandahan ng mga bulaklak na bigay mo. Muli kong inanticipate ang pagdating ng Pebrero.

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Ngayon, Pebrero na. IIang araw na lang, Valetines Day na. Magdiriwang ba tayo kinabukasan? Hindi na. Sapagkat wala ka na sa piling ko. Siya na ang kasama mo. Ang babaeng alam kong naging dahilan upang manlamig ka. Hindi mo man aminin, alam kong matagal ka ng may gusto sa kanya. Hindi ba’t matagal mo na nga siyang naikukwento sa akin? Sh*t ang tanga ko! Hindi ko nahalata! Sana sinabi mo na lang sa akin. Para naman hindi ako mukhang tanga sa pag-iisip kung ano ang nangyari. Madamot ka kasi, ayaw mong sabihin sa akin ang dahilan.

Wala pa ring kasing pait ang sakit na idinulot mo. Pero unti-unti, bumabangon na ako. At akala mo ba wala akong ka-Valentine ngayon? Meron ‘ata! Hindi lang ikaw ang me “Baby”, ako rin. Nakakatawa
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